Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
