I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
