Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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