my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
