The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
