What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
