so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
