I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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