You can't motorboat a personality
I think my fart just growled at me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
