This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
