Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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