There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
