Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
