Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
