I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
