I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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