i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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