Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
