If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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