i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
