I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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