at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
