I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
