I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
