This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
