I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I currently don't understand fingers.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
