Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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