I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
