Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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