he shaved USA in his pubs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
