so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
