i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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