its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
