I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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