why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
