Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
