I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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