I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
