but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
