the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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