what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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