last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
