Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
