We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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