That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
