My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
