I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
