I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
