I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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