It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
