i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
